Idiot Reviewers Don’t Seem to Go Away

Authors are human, despite rumors to the contrary. That means that we have friends (well, most of us do), but we also have enemies. Not everyone likes us. I could list all of the people that I know about who don’t like me but the data overflow might crash the server, so I won’t bother. Those people also aren’t worth my damn time.

Something Funny Happened on the Way to the Moon

Anyway, sometimes we get petty, whiny, brats who decide a great way to retaliate is to leave a negative review on our books. Sometimes they buy the book (if they are leaving the review on Amazon, they can attempt to make it more “legit” by having the “Amazon Verified Purchase” appear). So here is the first one, written about Something Funny Happened on the Way to the Moon by Sara Howard:

I really do not understand how this book got such good reviews. The writing style is terrible and chapters ridiculously short. I have asked amazon for a refund.


First of all, I really don’t give a damn that you asked for a refund. Maybe, if that was the last sentence of a comprehensive review, the sentence would have added a bit of flavor to it. You wrote three sentences. When I see reviews like this, I often wonder if it is nothing more than a personal vendetta or such a sore lacking of intelligence. What’s really funny is if this fool had bothered to read the first sentence of the description, he or she would have seen “This book is a light-hearted, funny story . . .” It’s light reading my friend. It’s not meant to be some in-depth, science-filled informational book. Man, this kind of stuff makes me lose faith in humanity. If you want to give a negative review, fine. Actually review the book with real reasons why it deserves such negativity!


The next one is from A Promise Kept: The Story of One Widowed Bride’s Journey Through Grief by Elise Crawford. Just take a look at this:

What a bunch of self-pity crap. Plain crap. Ladies and gents, the author makes up so much here that the book is total fantasy. If pity is what you want to give, well, you came to the right place.

When Mark was killed, Liz ran away like a little child. She ignored Mark’s two kids, and in fact locked one of them out of Mark’s house a day after the tragedy. Let me repeat – locked one of Mark’s kids out of his own house, because she couldn’t “handle” his emotions.

So many lies, so few pages!

When confronted, she ran and hid. Mark did not put her in his will. They were NOT married. She was the one who broke ties with the McLaughlin family. She could have had many of Mark’s items but hid from all attempts to be contacted.
Her writing “style” is plain boring. The positive reviews are obviously from people trying to sell the “book” – what a farce!
Her book is a scam – enjoy. Wish there was less than one star to leave.

“Liz” huh? Obviously, this person knows the author and is probably a bitter in-law or something like that. Guess what: I DON’T GIVE A &*$% ABOUT YOUR DAMN PERSONAL VENDETTA! If you have an issue, why don’t you write a column or publish your own book. This isn’t a review on a book, this is your whiny, griping, gibberish. Oh wait, right at the end, there is one sentence on the writing style, and its 6 words long. Thanks. This review is about as helpful as a hemorrhoid.

People who write garbage reviews like this remind me of why we need to chlorinate the gene pool. Air your personal baggage to someone who gives a *$%#, because no one here does.



17 thoughts on “Idiot Reviewers Don’t Seem to Go Away

  1. One, this was TFF. Two, sometimes I give short reviews but I hope I make sense and give brief reasons to why I liked or disliked something.

    And yes, the last one looked a personal insult to the author.

    • Short reviews are fine, as long as they are actual reviews. 3 terse sentences doesn’t constitute a review. I get really annoyed when I see stuff like this.

  2. Mike,
    Great points you raise. There are indeed a lot of books out there that get ‘wrong’ reviews. And yes, I would imagine friends, family and publicists do write a lot of exaggerated ‘good’ stuff to hopefully boost and sell the book. In the end, some people maybe don’t have the courage to tell the writer just how bad the book is, and this is harmful to the writer in the long run and misleading to other readers. Anyway, thanks for covering this subject, Dark Lord of the Sith!

  3. It’s one thing to leave short commentary for something that’s widely seen or read, another to leave what’s clearly a person with an axe to grind comment like these.

    Idiots… the world has no shortage of them, it seems.

    • Exactly, I think I wrote a paragraph when I reviewed Harry Potter or one of those books but that’s because there are thousands of reviews.

  4. Your link to hemorrhoid is crucial to understanding these reviewers. Thanks for shedding light on these unhealed scabs that might never fall off and fade away. Time for the good doctor to prescribe a special treatment or ointment that will cure the inane symptoms once and for all!

  5. Definitely, it looks like that last review was just from a family member or friend that seemingly was wronged in some way. Personal vendetta’s do not belong in the review. If anything, it might do the opposite and make people buy it just to see what the hullaballoo is all about.

    I’ve had a couple of very short “reviews”…but, they were positives about the book…still, they didn’t state why they liked it.

    • Actually, that’s very true. Humans love drama. Spreading that drama in reviews just make people curious. And if the price is right . . .

  6. Geez! People just don’t want to keep their negative opinions and their vendettas and revenge out of the review sections of book reviews, but they shouldn’t be posting those types of comments in book review sections. They should be posting them elsewhere, like maybe in their diaries, blogs, articles, books, or in personal letters to the author if they know the authors. But to post them on book review areas seems petty, disrespectful, inconsiderate, and just plain wrong of them to do. 😦 My message to those who use book reviews to post revengeful messages to or about the authors, “Hey vengeful people, keep your emotional baggage and revenge stuff off book reviews, please.”

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